The Night I Almost Said “Yes” to a Date
It was a Friday night. My kids were finally asleep, and I was scrolling through my phone, half-watching a show I’d already seen three times. Then, a text popped up: “Hey, it’s been a while. Want to grab coffee sometime?”
My stomach did a little flip. It was from someone I’d met at a friend’s party months ago. Nice guy, good sense of humor, and—let’s be honest—easy on the eyes.
But instead of feeling excited, I felt… guilty. “Is it too soon?” I wondered. “What will people think? What will my kids think? What do I think?”
If you’ve ever been in this position, you know how complicated it feels. Deciding when to start dating after separation isn’t just about timing—it’s about emotions, healing, and figuring out what you really want.
So, let’s talk about it. No judgment, no pressure. Just real talk from someone who’s been there.
The Early Days—When Everything Felt Like a Mess
When my ex and I first separated, the idea of dating again felt like a joke. I was a walking tornado of emotions—angry one minute, sad the next, and then just plain exhausted.
I remember one night, sitting on the floor of my closet, crying over a pair of shoes I hadn’t worn in years. (Yes, shoes. Separation does weird things to you.)
During those early days, my focus was on survival. Getting the kids to school on time. Figuring out how to pay the bills. Trying to remember to eat something other than cereal. Dating? Not even on my radar.
But there were moments—like when I’d see a couple holding hands at the park—when I’d feel a pang of loneliness. “Will I ever feel that way again?” I’d wonder.
The First Date—A Disaster (But Also a Lesson)
About a year after the separation, a friend convinced me to go on a date. “It’s just coffee,” she said. “No pressure.”
I agreed, partly out of curiosity and partly because I was tired of feeling stuck. I spent hours getting ready, trying on outfits, and rehearsing what I’d say. But as I sat across from him at the café, I felt… nothing.
It wasn’t him. He was kind, funny, and easy to talk to. But I realized something: I wasn’t there because I wanted to be. I was there because I thought I should be.
That date taught me an important lesson: Dating before you’re ready can feel like wearing someone else’s shoes. They might look nice, but they’ll never fit right.
The Break I Didn’t Know I Needed
After that first date, I decided to take a step back. I realized I hadn’t given myself time to heal. I was so focused on being a good parent and “moving on” that I’d forgotten to take care of myself.
I started therapy. I journaled. I reconnected with friends I’d lost touch with. Slowly, I began to rediscover who I was outside of being a parent or a partner.
One night, as I lit a candle and poured myself a glass of wine, I had a moment of clarity: “I’m okay on my own. I don’t need someone to complete me.”
It was liberating. For the first time in years, I felt whole.
“Healing isn’t about forgetting the past—it’s about creating a future where you feel whole, with or without someone by your side.”
When the Time Felt Right
It wasn’t until two years after my separation that I felt ready to date again. This time, it wasn’t about filling a void or proving I was “over it.” It was about sharing my life with someone who added to it.
I met someone through a mutual friend. We took things slow—no rushing into labels or commitments. And for the first time, dating felt… easy.
But here’s the thing: Even though I felt ready, there were still challenges. Balancing parenting with dating isn’t easy. There were nights I canceled plans because my kids needed me, and moments I questioned if I was doing the right thing.
What made it different this time was my mindset. I wasn’t dating out of fear or loneliness. I was dating because I wanted to—and because I knew I deserved happiness.
What I’ve Learned Along the Way
If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this: There’s no “right” time to start dating after separation. What matters is that you’re honest with yourself about where you are emotionally and mentally.
Here are a few things to consider:
- Heal First: Take time to process your emotions and understand what went wrong in your past relationship. Therapy can be a game-changer.
- Focus on Your Kids: They’re adjusting too. Make sure they feel secure before introducing someone new into their lives.
- Rediscover Yourself: Spend time doing things you love. Reconnect with your passions and build a life you’re proud of—with or without a partner.
- Trust Your Gut: If it feels too soon, it probably is. There’s no rush.
Your Journey, Your Timeline
Looking back, I’m glad I waited. Those years of healing and self-discovery were some of the most transformative of my life. They taught me that I’m enough—just as I am.
If you’re wondering if it’s too soon to start dating, ask yourself: “Am I doing this for me, or because I think I should?”
There’s no shame in waiting. And there’s no shame in taking that first step when you’re ready. Your journey is yours alone, and it’s beautiful—no matter where you are in it.
Submitted By: Anonymous
